EPISODE 11: Stress Management and Strong Support Systems

BECKY: Welcome back to Autoimmune Adventures. Today we're discussing the last principle of our Big Six, stress management and a strong support systems. As autoimmune warriors, we know firsthand how overwhelming managing symptoms can be, but did you know that chronic stress can actually fuel inflammation and worsen our conditions?

Join us today as we share some practical strategies to manage stress, so that you can thrive both physically and mentally. But before we start, let's share our good bit minute for the day.

We have found out that scientists have found, that Manuka honey from the pollen of the Manuka tree has been shown to reduce human breast cancer cell growth in mice by 84%, which is awesome! Um, Manuka honey has been known for a while to have positive medical properties and healing properties, but this is a really exciting discovery, especially as a breast cancer survivor. I'm excited about this one. Um, obviously it's still something, the studies are still kind of early, and they're working things out, but that's very positive, much more positive than a lot of medicines they've been looking at, and so we will have the link to this article on our blog, because we thought it was pretty cool.

ALYSIA: Okay, so jumping into stress management, if you did not know this, there is a very real connection between stress and autoimmunity. Stress can actually trigger autoimmune disease, and having an autoimmune disease can cause stress. It's kind of a sneaky little cycle. Um, stress can be a trigger for at least half of autoimmune disorders, and a lot of patients report that they had high levels of emotional stress before the onset of their symptoms and their disease.

I know that was definitely the case for me. Um, I had moved across the country. We had experienced job loss. I was pregnant. I had already had three young kids. It was a lot of stress at the time. Um, and so I really do think that played a part in my onset. Uh, stress can also worsen the symptoms that you're already having, and it can cause flares, and it can weaken your immune system, and we don't need any help weakening our immune system, guys.

So pay attention to your body. You're going to be able to identify what stressors trigger your symptoms. If you are paying attention to your body. Learning to manage stress is just, it's absolutely necessary. It is crucial that we learn to do this, because when we learn to manage our stress, it is going to improve our overall health, our overall well-being.

Most of us have a lot going on in our lives. There. You know, we all have several roles in our lives that demand our attention. We've got jobs, we've got families, we've got other commitments, so we have to learn how to manage and prioritize and sometimes to eliminate the responsibilities that are in our lives if we want to thrive with autoimmune disease.

STACY: Yeah, it's difficult, but sometimes we do have to eliminate some of the things that we are used to doing from our lives. And the other thing that we have to learn to do is that we have to learn to prepare in advance for the things we know are coming our way.

So we know that stress is a given in our lives, and so we have to build a stress management trail pack, and I want you to think of it this way. We've told you our analogy about how having autoimmune disease is like climbing a mountain. Well, when it comes to stress management, there are a few things we need in that backpack of ours. Not surprisingly, a few of them are from our Big Six, and we've gone into depth with them on the previous episodes, but we're going to quickly cover them again today because they're essential for managing stress.

The first one is nutrition. You have to have a healthy diet. Did you know that certain foods can actually increase stress by causing dehydration and overstimulating your body's stress hormones? They can also increase your blood sugar levels, which makes it so that you even have more brain fog. Do you want to guess what some of those things are?

Honestly, I bet you already know because it's the stuff that we all know we should be avoiding. Like. Alcohol, excess caffeine, refined sugar, fried foods, these will dehydrate you, they cause inflammation, they affect your cognitive abilities, and they spike your cortisol level, and cortisol is that stress hormone we were talking about.

If you don't know what it is, It is what fuels your body when you are in stress, and we don't need any more of that because with autoimmunity, we're always in a constant state of stress. So, the cortisol is already a challenge for people with autoimmunity.

On the flip side, what should we be putting into our bodies? I think you know these answers too, but we're going to tell you anyway. Fruit and vegetables, high fiber foods, lean protein, and small portions of whole grains. These foods are all nutrient rich, and they are going to help you so that your body will feel more calm and energized, and they're powerful fuel for your brain as well, which is really important.

You also want to consider checking in with vitamin D because here's the thing guys, for people like me and Becky, especially with our lupus, vitamin D is a huge challenge, but because all people with autoimmunity have absorption issues and can't, as a general rule, spend hours and hours in the sun, um, because it overtaxes our bodies and it affects our immune system. So make sure you're getting adequate vitamin D when you go into your doctor. Have them check your levels, supplement if you need to, so that you can feel better.

BECKY: A couple of other ones that we need to consider that we should have in our proverbial backpacks, um, physical activity, as we talked about joyful movement and exercising. Exercise can increase the production of endorphins, which are the brain's natural painkillers and mood elevators. And endorphins also help improve your sense of well being and help you feel more relaxed and optimistic So it's really great to be doing those and remember when we say exercise, you don't have to be doing these huge crazy workouts, guys. Part of the reason when we did our episode on joyful movement - there are a lot of great ways to get your exercise and find ways that fit your lifestyle and that you enjoy Exercise also can lower your levels of stress hormones like adrenaline, cortisol, and regular exercise can help you sleep better, which is the next one we're going to talk about a little bit, and can help you manage your mood.

So sleep, another from our big six, is the importance of giving your body energy. quality rest. And while you sleep, your body actually reduces the production of cortisol and those other stress hormones like adrenaline. Sleep can help you regulate your emotions better. I think we're all pretty familiar with that.

I mean, we all know whether it's us, or somebody we love, or know or whatever, if we don't get enough sleep and we're big old grouch the next day, that's pretty standard. So it definitely helps you regulate your emotions. And when you're well rested, you're better able to cope with stress and solve problems.

You're less likely to fly off the handle easily. Regular sleep routine helps calm and restore your body, which will improve your concentration, your mood, and your decision making abilities. That being said, uh, stress can sometimes make it difficult for us to get a good sleep. And we talked about in our last episode, tips and tricks on how to help you with that if you're finding that stress or anxiety are making it difficult to sleep. So we suggest you go back and listen to that. And, uh, if the problem persists, be sure you seek medical intervention.

ALYSIA: For sure. Um, and another one of our big six that you need to put in your backpack is going to be a positive attitude and a growth mindset. I really feel like this one is super applicable to stress management. Having a positive attitude makes you more resilient. It makes you more productive. You're going to feel more confident that you can handle your challenges that are coming at you. And those stressors are just not going to feel as threatening to you.

When you have a growth mindset, you will remember that managing your stress is a skill that you are learning every day. You're not going to be perfect, but you are going to be less likely to allow overwhelming feelings to creep in, because when you tell yourself, "Okay, I recognize I'm feeling stressed right now. I'm going to evaluate what is causing this," You are going to be able to stop. You're going to be able to devise a plan of action and come up with solutions to your challenges. You should not be afraid to ask for help when you need it, because you are still learning how to take care of yourself. Remember self care, including stress management, is a lifetime endeavor. It's a skill that you're learning every day. So create some good affirmations for yourself. And when you're feeling stressed out, use those affirmations.

STACY: And we have to remember that we need to evaluate and then prioritize what we have to do. Only you can decide what you should be prioritizing in your life.That's not something for someone else to decide, but may we humbly recommend that above all else, you schedule some self care time. Block out time every day for taking care of your Big Six and doing things that help calm and relax you, because when you take care of yourself first, everything else will be a whole lot easier to handle.

They always tell you when you're on a plane that if there is an accident or something bad is happening that before you put the oxygen mask on your kids or the other people around you, you need to get the oxygen mask on yourself. If you're not caring for yourself, you can't care for the other people around you.

If you're not making sure you're okay, then you're not going to be able to help anyone else. And especially if you're a parent or even just have a partner or a spouse, someone that, you know, you want to have that active, healthy, happy relationship with, you have to remember that you can't give them what they need from you, if you yourself don't have it within you. So take care of yourself first.

You also need to learn to set boundaries. There is nothing wrong with saying no. It's important to learn that word and learn how to use it. This is part of advocating for yourself. And so, be mindful of your power bar and recognize that when you give up some of your power bar to do something, to accomplish something, maybe even a worthy event that you want to go to, or worthy thing you want to do with your life, you're still going to have less power to dedicate to your other responsibilities. So you have to be aware of it. You have to pay attention to those kinds of things. And you need to take time to seriously evaluate what you have going on in your life.

And then ask yourself questions like, 'What are all the things that I'm using my, that are using up my power bar?," and "What things help charge my power bar?" And then you need to prioritize the energy, and you also need to build in time to build that power bar. And that's why it's important to have self care.

So you're gonna have to expect a lot of emotions when you're coming to this process. There's going to be a lot of guilt. There's going to be a lot of sadness and anger and that can be very painful, but you have to be a little bit ruthless with yourself, because it's likely that at some point you will need to give up something good in your life in order to maintain healthy levels of stress.

I have been a teacher for over 20 years. It is something I love deeply, and without getting into it too emotionally, I'm going to say that this last year, my body forced me to give up teaching. And I'm going to challenge you to not go to the place that I went. I got violently ill. And it nearly killed me, and I had to stop everything. It...and it ended my life as I had known it for all of these years, just ceased to be, and I had to completely remake myself.

Believe me when I tell you that there are easier ways to do this than the way I did it. If I had been paying attention to my stress levels, if I had acknowledged that it was too much, and it was becoming more and more dangerous for me, I would have saved myself from a health crisis. Now, with all of that said, I am now living a life where my stress levels are moderate and usually low, and because of that, my health has returned, my joy has returned, my peace has returned, but sometimes you have to do a hard stop, and then remake your life.

Just remember that just because you have to make a change does not mean that life will never be meaningful and happy again, because I'm here to tell you from experience that on the other side, it is actually more meaningful and more happy because I am here in the moment and able to appreciate it in a way that I wasn't able to when my stress levels were so high.

STACY: And obviously, as Stacy's telling the story, that's so important for her and her own health, but also she's able to be there for her husband and her friends and her family in more healthy ways than she was able to before, too. And kind of along those lines, the other thing that you need to be thinking about in regards to stress management is utilizing your support system.

Spending time with the people that you love, joining a support group, finding online communities that, uh, can share your similar experiences that you're going through. And this is a really tough one guys, but you need to make sure that you have your tribe and your support system. And if you're finding that the people in your life that should be supporting you are actually causing you a lot of stress, you need to communicate very clearly with them the things that they need to change that, and maybe not focus just on them. Talk about things that need to be changed in general. Things that, how they can help you. Things that you need. Things that you require because of your, your disease. And recognizing that life is going to be different. Give them the grace of understanding. You're grieving everything. You're grieving the process of having diseases and learning to adjust your life. Give them time to accept this and give them grace to do that.

But if you're finding you have people in your life who genuinely don't ever support you, are very negative, stress you out constantly, and once you've expressed - and this is important - once you've expressed to them the concerns and the needs that you have, if they're not doing anything to help or to change the behavior, you might want to consider having other people in your life instead.

Um, and, and we do not say that lightly. And that is a decision that you have to make according to what you feel like is going to be best for your health. But you want to find good friends, good people, um, that can help you through what you're going through.

ALYSIA: I just want to jump in and say there are some exceptions to this. Um, If you are a caregiver, if you have a special needs child, if you are caring for an elderly parent, obviously these people are causing you stress and, and you can't pass that off to somebody else. In situations like this, you do need to understand that it is imperative that you have relief opportunities, that you find those resources, those people out in, in your support system that can step in and help you and give you a break, because you will burn out. You will.

I have loved ones, my own mother, perfect example, who had so many of her own issues, and she was caring for a husband who was older than her, who had many health issues, who had dementia, and my sisters can attest that poor woman burnt out. I think she just died of exhaustion. So, obviously there are exceptions, you know, there are people that are stressful in your life that you cannot and would not choose to remove. So you have to learn other coping strategies, right?

What we're talking about is those toxic people. Remember how we talked about removing toxins from your life a few episodes ago? This applies to toxic people as well. This isn't a passive suggestion, you guys. This is essential to your mental health, to your physical health. I know it is not simple. It is not easy. If you're in a relationship or in a job that is abusive, that is unhealthy. They take advantage of you. They don't support you. They don't take you seriously. They don't value you. Whatever it is, make a plan to get out. Um, give that like, like I said, like Becky said, communicate with them, give them that opportunity to change. But if they do not demonstrate a willingness to change and get better, make a plan to get out. I say, make a plan because I know it's not that simple. Getting a new job, leaving a relationship, a marriage, a friendship. These are not easy things to do. It is complicated. It is messy. It is time consuming. It can be so expensive and it is terrifying.

It is terrifying for people to do, but listen, you guys, you only have one body. You only have one life. So please choose to love yourself and value yourself enough to make that really hard choice. Those, those really hard choices, the really scary moves that are going to affect your health and your well-being for the rest of your life.

STACY: You have to learn and practice effective time management strategies too. So remove the toxins and then plan your time effectively. Just like you only have so much power in your power bar, you really only have so many hours in the day. So you have to think of some simple strategies that can make a big difference.

So here's a few of our possible options. First get organized. It doesn't have to be a huge overhaul of your life. It can be baby steps like we talk about. So start by making a list, start prioritizing your tasks, choose something new you want to do each week and then stick to it. And pretty soon it becomes a habit. And pretty soon it's second nature.

BECKY: I was going to say, I'm going to jump in on this one too. As you're, as you're getting organized and you're thinking of things and you're prioritizing, remember there are sometimes going to be lots of good choices. And so you have to narrow down the good ones and I have to give my parents kudos for this one I was in high school, I remember I wanted to do all the things.

I had signed up for so many things I was in drama. I was in orchestra I was doing like student government and all these other programs, like I was doing tons of programs, and I was getting to where I was very stressed out, and my parents just literally sat me down and said, "You know, it's awesome that you want to do things that are...are great, you're having fun, that are even going to be good things," because I was using the excuse, well these are all going to be great on my, you know, applications for college and whatever, And they said, "That's true, but it gets to the point where you're stressing yourself out needlessly, because none of these things are things you have to do, they're just things you want to do. And so you need to pick the things that you want most to do, and get some of the rest of them out of your life, because then it just becomes clutter and you're overwhelming yourself." And so sometimes, you have lots of good choices, and sometimes that can actually be the hardest time is when you're choosing between good things.

ALYSIA: So, so true. So true. Uh, I'm going to jump in here and suggest that you avoid multitasking. And I know that sounds like bad advice when we're talking about stress management and prioritizing tasks, but multitasking can actually be counterproductive and it can make you take longer to complete tasks. Um, when you have autoimmune disease, you do have a more impaired, um, ability to handle stress.

And sometimes when you try to multitask, you get overwhelmed and it does cause more stress, you don't get as much done. So focusing on one task at a time, it helps you to avoid distractions and it helps you avoid those feelings of being overwhelmed. It's not a hard and fast rule. Obviously, you can totally fold clothes while you're talking on the phone or, you know, you can listen to this podcast while you're exercising, whatever, but, but just be mindful of what you're doing with your time, because I find at least for me, when I take one thing at a time, it's easier for me to focus and get it done, it's easier for me to not feel overwhelmed by all that I have to do if I'm just chunking it out one thing at a time,

I'm a big list maker and I am big on, you know, checking things off my list. And so I think it's a little easier to do when you do take things one at a time. So if you're in a position to do so. You need to also be willing to designate tasks to those that you work with and to those that you live with. And if you can't delegate, if you're not in a position that you can delegate, you just need to be humble enough to ask for help, right? This is also part of advocating for yourself. We're going to talk about advocating for yourself all the time, guys. You're going to get tired of hearing us say it, but it's important.

When you delegate and ask for help, you need to have specific tasks that you can pass off to them. Don't just be like, "Oh honey, can you please help me with the housework?" You need to say, "Babe, I would really appreciate it if you could load the dishwasher and wipe the sinks and the counter" for, you know, I was going to say "for me," but it's everybody's job.

So, you know what I'm saying? Like have specific tasks, specific things that you can pass off when you are requesting help or delegating to somebody else.

BECKY: Another tool we have that can help us reduce stress is meditation and mindfulness. And you have probably heard us say this a couple times already. You'll hear it again. If you're not aware, I think most people know what meditation is, but mindfulness is a type of meditation that usually involves focusing on being aware of the present moment without judging it or interpreting it. And especially like looking at ourselves and our health and our bodies, it can help you relax your body and your mind and reduce stress.

Uh, it is very helpful for stress reduction as are if you have personal ways you meditate. Meditation is always great, but guided meditations are also wonderful. Um, there's a lot of options online. We'll try to put a few links in, but definitely if you just get online and look, you can find a lot of options.

Consider relaxation techniques like yoga, tai chi, um, guided imagery. Those all specifically are designed for stress management and for chronic illness, which is great. A lot of them are a little low, lower impact. And so they're, uh, and if you're worried, cause there's kind of different levels on it, it's always nice to specifically look up low impact yoga or low impact tai chi or whatever. Cause even though they're a little easier than some of the really heavy duty cardio workouts, you still want to make sure you're looking at the low impact if you've not had a lot of experience with it.

Um, exercising mindfulness to recognize your body's response to stress is a very useful technique. Um, as you're recognizing your response, it's kind of that idea of you can't fix a problem unless you know what it is. So, if you take that moment to just look at yourself and what is causing your stress and, And look at it, like it says, objectively, so that you're not judging it and you're not getting angry or upset about what causes your stress, but find a way to look at it objectively. When you find the source of it, it becomes easier to solve the problem.

Another great way to help with this is to cultivate gratitude in your daily life, and to find things that you focus on daily that you can be grateful for, that make you happy, and just put you in a more positive frame of mind.

STACY: And so when we're in a more positive frame of mind, I think it's easier for us to be creative, but sometimes we're not in a positive frame of mind. So when we're not, we're going to give you some examples of ways that you can creatively bust the stress in your life. Fun ways that you can do this and ways that are proven with us because we've done all these, but we've talked to. I've literally talked to thousands of people about this first one, because as a teacher, I have found that students are highly stressed and the best thing to help them is to help them learn to express themselves and that is different for everyone.

Everyone to get creative some people do really good with journaling. I know that for me That's very helpful writing it down getting it out of my brain, getting my brain to quiet by getting the junk out of my brain. Sometimes I'll torch it. Sometimes I'll crumple it up and throw it away. And if it's something I want to keep for later reflection, I keep it, but guys, there's nothing that says you can't journal and then just dump it, If you've got something bad going on, just spill it out on the page and then rip it into tiny little shreds and throw it into the wind.

ALYSIA: That's so cathartic.

BECKY: Yeah, it is. And I was also going to say that you don't have to, you're not writing a paper for anyone else. Nobody's going to see this except me and just kind of vomit out what's in my brain on the paper. It doesn't have to be pretty. It doesn't even have to make sense. But when you're stressed, if you get it all out, it really does help. And just like Stacy said, you can save it for later, if you think it's going to benefit you, or you can throw it away and burn it. If you think it's going to be cathartic.

ALYSIA: Yep.

STACY: So guys, you, you can journal and that's great, but you know what? I have lots of people in my life who hate to write, hate it with a passion. And so maybe art therapy is something that would interest you. I talked about how much I love dancing last time, singing loudly to the music that you love most is extremely good for you. Okay, or you can just play calm music and maybe just like let those emotions flow off of you like water off the back of a little duck, okay? Just let it go. But you have to give yourself that time to do that.

You can also spend quality time in nature if you have it available and accessible to you. When I was living in Detroit, there wasn't a ton of nature, but there was this little tree that was down the road from me that I loved, and I would go and stand underneath it and eat a ice cream cone or a popsicle when it was really hot outside, and it was delightful just to get a little bit of sunshine and have a moment of quiet where I was just enjoying something yummy. Take a minute to get outside. Let the sun hit your face for a second. Take in a breath of air. Hopefully it's fresh enough to enjoy that. And you can just kind of soak it all in for a little bit. Sit outside, maybe on a lawn chair or, um, under a tree.

And then find time every day to laugh. Make an actual effort to find that joy and that laughter. Watch something funny. Spend some time with some of your friends who are a little more playful and funny. Um, read a humorous book. If you're blessed, and I am highly blessed, my husband makes me laugh every single day. I get, I have a daily dose of humor with him every single day because of his ADHD.

ALYSIA: I, that makes me think of the old Reader's Digest magazines and they had the little sections in there. One of them was called, I believe, Laughter is the Best Medicine. I remember flipping through the little Reader's Digest and finding those little sections with just little anecdotes, stories that people would send in that were funny. I loved those. And now I don't do that anymore, but what I do do is I send and receive funny memes with my spouse, with my sisters, with my friends. We pass those back and forth, usually on Instagram, things that make us smile, things that make us laugh, and they do brighten my day.

Spend time with your animals. That for me personally, animals are a huge stress reliever. Um, I know there's studies done that talk about the, the, uh, vibration, the frequency of cats purring being healthy for you. Spending time with animals can lower your stress hormones and it can, it can increase good hormones like oxytocin. Petting your dog increases oxytocin, guys. Not to mention the companionship that they give you, the unconditional love that they provide. Animals are medicine.

BECKY: They are, and I was going to say personal experience because I do live on a little farm and I have a lot of different animals. I have found that they are my number one good medicine when I am having a really hard day or a flare, and I just feel like I can't get up. They give me a reason to get up in the morning. And I find that sure as I do, even if no matter how tired, how in pain I am, if I get up and go spend time with the animals, um, I always feel better after. I always have a good experience. And it's a great way to start my day.

STACY: All right, so stress management is an ongoing practice, ladies and gentlemen. You can't do this one time and fix the problem. You have to find what works for you and then you need to be kind to yourself and you need to learn and grow And you need to be firm with yourself and remind yourself daily. I'm doing this for my own well-being, but you're also doing it for the people you love, guys. Please remember that.

And if you're finding that you are just not making it, if it's just too much and you are still struggling, please don't be afraid to seek professional help. Okay? A therapist can teach you effective coping mechanisms for stress. They can provide you with additional support. And always remember you are not alone. There are millions of us autoimmune warriors who are trying to manage our disease and trying to deal with the stress that we have. And stress management really is a key for thriving.

So thank you so much for tuning into Autoimmune Adventures. Join us next week when we discuss practical strategies for structuring your life for optimal health after an autoimmune diagnosis.

If you've got questions or suggestions for future episodes, let us know. We want to hear from you. Leave a comment below, reach out on social media or visit us at autoimmuneadventures. com, and subscribe so you don't miss a single adventure. And warriors, Remember you are worthy of joy. Your disease does not define your life, you do.

HELPFUL LINKS:

Manuka Honey Article:

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/manuka-honey-reduces-breast-cancer-cell-growth-by-84-in-human-cells-and-mice/

Guided Meditation:

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheHonestGuys/videos